23 December, 1995
WFTV Channel 9
Human Resources Department
4900 East South Street
Dear Sir or Madam:
My father retired as an executive of Westinghouse Electric corporation. He was responsible for the management and strategic direction of one of Westinghouse's most important business divisions before a downsizing move at the company forced him into retirement.
While my father has a secure future because of his careful investments and conservative lifestyle, he is interested in seeking employment to keep busy and supplement his fixed-income. Since my father is incredibly opinionated and quite outspoken, he'd be make an excellent narrator and writer for the editorial spots shown on your station just after the evening news.
Ted, my father, would bring to your station a colorful understanding of race relations, previously unexamined insights into the O. J. Simpson trial, and studied critiques of today's most popular television personalities such as Mike Tyson, Larry King, and Steve Triggs, the Channel 9 evening news roving reporter. Issues such as capital punishment, speed limits, and drunken driving are favorite topics of my father's dissertations, as are issues which hit closer to home such as sleeping in and wearing baseball caps at the dinner table. My father does not hesitate to take the unpopular side of difficult issues.
While you might not make continuous use of my father's talents in your editorial department, you should know that he would make a great added color man for Orlando Magic games and provide the added bonus of keeping the rest of the employees in your news room humble. My dad's garage has almost every tool known to man, and features many spare parts for different and varied bits of electronic equipment-some of which are undoubtedly of undeterminably large value to your studio and broadcast-site technicians.
Please consider giving my father due consideration for a spot on your news editorial board. I'm sure his picturesque analysis and clear-sighted commentary will give your station a huge ratings perk. I've enclosed my father's resume for your review-it includes his home address and local contact information so you can reach him at his home in Winter Springs.
I'd love to hear from you about my father's progress as he works with the appropriate representatives of your human resource department. Thank you very kindly for your time.
6260 139th Avenue, Northeast #79