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25 September, 1995

Mr. Chris Berman
935 Middle Street
Bristol, Connecticut

Dear Mr. Berman:

After enjoying your many and varied nicknames for professional athletes for years, a fridn of mine and I have decided to send you a letter. First, let us thank you for subtly enhancing your show with your hilarious nicknames.

Frank and I are software developers for a very large computer firm here in the Pacific Northwest. We're quite bright and very entertaining— if you don't believe us, just ask us to explain it some time. We work very hard, and do well at our jobs. While Frank often goes running and I enjoy playing tennis, neither of us will ever be star athletes. Just the same, we're very jealous of the celebrities for whom you develop alternate monikers every night on Sports Center. In particular, the retrospective segment about your top-ten nicknames for baseball player Carlos "Daylight Come and" Delgado "Go Home" left us rolling in laughter.

As a result, we're hoping that you could take some time to think up a couple of funny nicknames for us. Frank's last name is pronounced "yerris"; sort of like "terrace" but with a soft "y" instead of a "t" sound at the beginning. My last name, though spelled with great complexity, is simply pronounced "blay-zack"—as if none of those ugly consonants were there in the first place.

As you can see, our names are neither poetic or easy; that's why we are turning to you for your expert help. It would be great if you could write us with your ideas.

Thank you for your time.

Best Wishes,

Mike Blaszczak Frank Yerrace
6260 139th Avenue NEFrank's Address
Apartment #79
Redmond, WashingtonFrank's Town
98052Frank's ZIP Code

PS: What's with Roy Firestone's wardrobe?